Last night, I finally completed all 10 speeches in the Competent Communicator manual 
Whew. After two long years of TOPS membership, I finally, finally get upgraded from TM to CC!
Last night was particularly special for me because I was out of my comfort zone. True, I am used to speaking. I've spoken in front of audiences big and small--from an audience of 10, to an audience of 100,000+ (during the campaign season). I've spoken in a multitude of countries--from the Philippines, to Malaysia, to Singapore, Thailand, Indonesia, and even Bangladesh! I have a number of speaking awards, both local and international, and so others feel delivering Speech #10 should be easy for me. But it's not.
You see, I had to dig deep for the material for the speech. The goal was to inspire, and while I'm used to speaking to persuade (mostly by brute force and conviction, lol)-- I was not used to showing emotions when I am speaking. I thought the easiest way to make sure I forge an emotional connection with my audience, was to have my own personal connection with my speech. I had to feel strongly about the topic, and hopefully my sincerely intense emotions would be enough to move the audience.
And so I chose a topic that until now, I feel strongly about. Bullying. I hate bullying, because once when I was a child, I was bullied too. I know the negative effects bullying has on one's self esteem, because once, I let bullies make me think I was worthless too. And then I thought, how can this painful episode in my life transcend a seemingly juvenile problem? How can the message be more all-encompassing, to include even those who were not bullied as children? I thought, while others are not bullied by people, they are bullied by life's circumstances. And I decided to include the story of how my grandfather, who was born dirt poor, managed to become one of our nation's most influential leaders during his time.
I named my speech, "Push back"--short for the saying "When life pushes you, push back". I was agonizing over my material until the last minute before I spoke--hoping it would be enough to move the audience. As added pressure, it was the first time my mom would see me speak at toastmasters. She and Tito Fort came for my graduation, which was sweet but also nervewracking. I wanted to do extremely well.
And so I spoke, and I tried my best to remember my lines. In the middle of the story of how I was bullied, I had to take in a deep breath to calm my nerves. I was really feeling emotional, but I didn't know whether or not my gestures, facial expression and tone of voice were adequately conveying my emotions. I remember not knowing what to do with my hands. So I let go. I decided, I was just going to stand there to deliver my message. Who cares about the technicalities? If I overthink too much, I will only be bound to stumble.
Before I knew it, my speech was over. I shook the toastmasters hand, I heard applause, and I immediately looked for Ulysses so I could collapse in his arms. I did it! It was over! I heard people talking, and the toastmaster saying, "a standing ovation please...", and I remember Ulysses nudging me, telling me that the toastmaster of the day was talking to me... but it was all a blur. All I could think of was that it's over. I've graduated. It's over!!!
It turns out I was so into my speech that I forgot to look at the time. I was undertime for the first time in recent memory! Instead of my usual 7 to 8 minute speeches, my graduation speech lasted only 6:58. There was a short debate / discussion whether or not I would be allowed to pass, or whether I should repeat, but my mentors decided I fulfilled the objectives of the speech, within time or not. I heaved a huge sigh of relief. I'll be getting my CC!
More importantly, people approached me during the break. At least 3 people (namely Joko, Liezel, and Marian) approached me saying they were almost in tears. Ralph confirmed that Joko indeed cried. Lol. And once I got home, I read a wall post from Michelle telling me that she's so happy she heard my speech, and that now she's convinced she too needs to "push back". Most of all, my mom was so proud. She said she twitted about my speech and how it exceeded all expectations. Another big sigh of relief. I am happy
I had two evaluators that evening--Jef and Jeeves--and at first I was nervous. What would they say? How horrible was my speech? And true to form, they showed me that in Toastmasters, there is no reason to fear evaluators. In fact, they inspired me to do better. Jeeves gave me much needed input on my recurring weakness: moving away from sheer passion and conviction (my strengths, since I've 5 years of debate to practice this) and moving towards openness and vulnerability and variety in vocals and actions. Love it. Jef told me something that I particularly appreciated. He said I should seek my audience. That there are kids bullied in schools, or underprivileged people bullied by circumstances in their lives that would benefit from hearing my speech. That was such a nice thing to hear, especially coming from a well-known motivational speaker like Jef. I am so happy and proud I didn't let either of them down, as I consider both of them true mentors in TM.
Now that I will be getting my CC, I want to push myself even further. Finishing that speech, I felt such a huge sense of accomplishment and growth that I want to do it again. This time, with the advanced modules. I want to take on something that terrifies me, to force me to grow and move out of my comfort zone. I will probably be getting the humorous or entertaining speaker, and/or both! Personally, I am inclined to take humorous. I am already thinking of my material.
Last night, I knew: this is what I want to be doing. This is my passion. Speaking. And who cares about all the awards I've received in the past, there is and always will be room for me to grow. To achieve, even more. And as long as I have this drive within me, as long as I keep on pushing myself to be even better, I know I'll be able to take this dream, this passion, this talent of mine to greater and greater heights
Hurrrrray! I'm done!
